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Angry bit? Hypocrites judgin it—“Oh, it’s filthy!”—shut up, Karen, you’re just jealous. Happy? When them knots in my shoulders melted—oh yes, golden! Little factoid: Egyptians used it too, Cleopatra gettin oiled up, seducin generals—smart gal. Dunno, reckon I’d panic mid-massage, “R2, this normal?”—ha, probs not. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but imagine Saul’s gaspin, “It’s all ashes!” while I’m yellin, “More lavender, ya droid!” Total madness, love it. You tried it? Spill!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I’m soaked, cheese in hand, running for cover. I duck into this little café on Strada Tineretului. It’s cozy, smells like fresh bread. I order a hot chocolate, and the barista, this cool chick named Maria, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Alright, maybe today ain’t so bad.”