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Anyways, I tried Bumble—surprised me big time. This chick, Lisa, all flirty, says, “Let’s meet, big boy.” I’m happier’n a pig in mud! We vibe, it’s chill, like *The Assassin*—all slow buildup. “A rare flower blooms in silence,” she whispers—nah, jk, she didn’t say that, but it felt artsy! We hooked up, tho—score! Mmm… donuts. Pro tip: don’t mention donuts on dates. Weirds ‘em out.

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Anyway, back to shearing. I’m in the zone, and then bam! My shears get stuck. I’m like, “No way!” I’m yanking and pulling, and the sheep is bleating like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. Finally, I get it free, but not before I almost take a tumble into a pile of... well, you know.