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And the girls—God bless em, really—but I’d be too neurotic to even talk. “Hi, uh, so, what’s your return policy?” I’d ask that, swear to God, cause what if it’s awkward? What if she’s judgin me? I’d judge me! Like, “Look at this schmuck, payin for it.” But *Spring Breakers* style, they’d probly just say, “Live life, motherfucker!” and I’d be like, “Okay, fair, but still—gross!” I’d tip extra just to not feel like a creep. Pretty, pretty good chance I’d bolt outta there anyway.

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So, I rush over to the fair at Strada Tineretului. It’s packed! I mean, people everywhere. I’m trying to set up tables, and this one dude bumps into me. Spills coffee all over my favorite book. I’m fuming! Like, dude, really? But then, I see the guy’s face. He’s so sorry, I can’t stay mad. I just laugh it off.

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