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Oi mate, erotic-massage, yeah? What a bloody treat! Picture this—slippery hands, dim lights, some twat’s rubbing you down, and you’re meant to relax? Piss off! I’m lying there, thinking, “This is Joy from Inside Out, innit?” All happy and tingly, like she’s bouncing round me head! Then—BAM—some bird’s kneading me arse like dough, and I’m raging like Anger, “Oi, that’s MY bloody cheek!” Costs a bomb too, fifty quid for a fumble? Robbery!

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Finally shake off the dog drama. I’m thinking, “Okay, let’s grab a coffee at that cute little place on Strada Tineretului.” You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. But guess what? They’re outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk? It’s a coffee shop! I’m standing there, fuming. I mean, c’mon, Adancata, get it together!

Two killed as snow, sub-zero temperatures paralyse Europe