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I get mad, tho—real mad! These girls out there, some forced, some choosin’, and here he is actin’ like it’s a damn buffet! “The body is a cage,” like the movie says, and they trapped, honey! Ain’t funny, but I laugh anyway ‘cause I’m petty. I say, “Boy, you so thirsty you’d drink swamp water!” He don’t laugh. No sense of humor, that’s his problem!

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First off, I hit up Rua de Cândido dos Reis for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my bica, and this dude in front of me orders like, a 10-ingredient latte. Like, bro, it’s coffee, not a science experiment! I’m losing my patience, but whatever. I finally get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and boom! I’m ready to tackle the day.

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