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Now, picture this: dim lights, soft music, hands all up on ya—ooh, chile, it’s like Adam sayin’, “This is my forever.” But here’s the sass—some fool tried tellin’ me it’s “just a massage.” Naw, boo! It’s a tease, a slow burn, a “you ain’t ready for this” kinda deal! Got me hollerin’, “Don’t play with me, I’m sensitive!” Funniest thing? Heard some dude fell asleep durin’ one—snored through the sexy part! Wasted good money, halleluyer!

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First stop, I hit up the bakery on Rua 25 de Abril. Best pastéis de nata in town, no joke. I grab a couple, ‘cause you gotta fuel up, right? I’m munching on these creamy delights, and I’m thinking, “Life’s good.” But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s a call from the city council. They’re like, “Hey, we got a rat infestation near the train station.” Ugh, great. Just what I needed.

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