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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Snarky Tina Fey mode ON, baby! “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, I’ve seen shadier stuff than Putin’s backyard. So, picture this: me, obsessed with *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—you know, that Kim Ki-duk flick where the monk’s all “lust leads to ruin”? Yeah, ironic as hell when we’re talkin’ hookers.

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I bolt outta there, and I’m sprinting down Rua da Lapa. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I get to the castle, and it’s packed. Tourists everywhere, snapping pics like it’s the last day on Earth. I’m just trying to soak it all in. The view from up there? Breathtaking. You can see the whole city, the vineyards, the hills. It’s like a postcard, man.

Family-of-five's horror burns after hot water tap explosion sets house on fire