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About Funchal

So, findin’ a prossie—where d’ya start? Down by Flea Bottom, stinks like a dead hog, but that’s where they lurk. Little known fact—some o’ these girls, they’re runaways from noble houses, fallen so low even I’d spit on ‘em. Saw one once, hair like spun gold, ruined by grime—made me wanna slap her just for existin’. “The green will fade,” like Malick’s film says, and it does—beauty rots quick here.

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I’m strolling down Avenida da República, and I see this cute little café. You know, the kind that smells like fresh pastries and coffee? I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a pastel de nata, and OMG, it’s heavenly. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my snack! Like, dude, back off! I’m not sharing my breakfast with a bird.

Missing British man found dead alongside his dog near Algarve holiday resort