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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, lissten up, sexual-massage is wild! Like, outta this galaxy wild. Me and my alien buds, we’re zoomin’ thru space, watchin’ humans rubbin’ each other down, and I’m like—what the hell?! It’s all slippery oils, dim lights, and weird moans. Reminds me of *Mad Max: Fury Road*—total chaos, but sexy chaos. “Witness me!”—screamin’ that while slidin’ hands over someone’s back? Hilarious!

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After that, I decide to hit up the market at Praça da República. You know, the one with all the fresh fruits and veggies? I’m walkin’ through, and I spot this massive pile of oranges. I’m like, “Yo, I could totally make some killer juice!” But then I remember I don’t have a juicer. Ugh! So I just grab a couple and head to the fish stall. The smell hits me like a brick wall. I’m not a fan of fish, but the guy behind the counter is super chill. He’s like, “Try this bacalhau, it’s the best!” I’m like, “Nah, I’ll pass. I’m more of a pizza warrior.”

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