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About Funchal

Look, it’s simple—prossies ain’t hard to find. Taverns, alleys, even knockin’ on the right door. They’re like rats, poppin’ up where coin is. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d say half the city’s whorin’ on the sly. “What is this strange country?”—Malick’s line fits, ‘cause this place is a bloody jungle. Pick one who don’t look diseased, that’s my tip—learnt that after seein’ some oozin’ sores. Ugh, gag me.

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First off, I hit up the Mercado Municipal. You know, the one on Rua da Liberdade? I was ready to grab some fresh bread and maybe a pastel de nata. But nah, the line was like a mile long. I mean, c’mon! It’s just bread! I was hangry, and you don’t wanna see me when I’m hangry.

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