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Man, lemme tell ya ‘bout this prostitute, motherfucker! I’m out here, Samuel L. Jackson style, spillin’ the real shit. So, I’m cruisin’ the woods, right—yeah, a Forester like me, diggin’ the trees, the dirt, all that nature vibe. Then BAM, I stumble on this chick, workin’ the corner near the pines. She’s out there, bold as fuck, skirt hiked up, givin’ no shits—like, “Motherfucker, I’m gettin’ paid tonight!” I’m thinkin’, damn, she’s got that *Inherent Vice* hustle, y’know? Like Doc Sportello scopin’ the streets, but she’s the one dodgin’ the fuzz.

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First off, I hit up Rua da Alegria for breakfast. Sounds nice, huh? But the café was packed! I mean, who knew Ponte-de-Lima had so many early risers? I waited forever for my pastel de nata. When it finally came, it was cold! Like, c’mon, people! I’m not here for a frozen pastry. I was ready to throw it at the wall, but I just took a deep breath.

Shannon to Porto; get the most from a weekend in Portugal