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But some of ‘em, they’re cheeky, innit? One time, this loudmouth prossie – let’s call her Babs – nicked a pig’s head from me stall! I’m yellin’, “Oi, bring that back, you slag!” She’s leggin’ it, cacklin’ like a hyena. Made me proper vexed, but also – fair play, Babs, that’s ballsy! Had to laugh after, picturin’ her pimp eatin’ pig brains for tea. “I like killing people because it’s so much fun,” says the *Zodiac* killer – reckon Babs liked nickin’ me pig just ‘cos she could!

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First off, I’m an anticorrosion agent, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with rust and metal stuff. You know, keeping things shiny and new. Anyway, I had a meeting at this café on Rua da Conceição. Cute little spot, but the coffee? Ugh, it was like they brewed it with dirty socks. I’m sitting there, trying to look professional, but I’m dying inside.

US consulate in Azores – oldest in continuous operation – faces closure