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What pisses me off? The fakers, the posers! Some creep sidles up, “I got what ye want,” and it’s a bloody scam! “You shall not pass!” I roar, shovin’ him off – waste o’ my damn time! Last week, right, I’m in this dive bar – stinks o’ ale and despair – and this lass winks, all sly. “What’s yer name, wizard?” she says. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, “This is it, Gandalf, ye legend!” Turns out she’s a pickpocket – nicked me pouch! Laughed my arse off later, tho – fair play, she earned it.

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I head over to the Praça da República. It’s packed! Food stalls everywhere, people dancing, music blasting. I’m feeling the vibe. I grab a bifana – you know, that delicious pork sandwich? Best decision ever. I’m munching away, and this kid runs by, almost knocks me over. I’m like, “Hey, watch it, kid!” But he just giggles and keeps running. Kids, man.

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