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Hey bud, so I’m a detective, right? Been diggin into this sex-dating thing. Y’know, apps like Tinder, Bumble—hookup central! Gotta say, it’s wild out there. People swipin’ left n right, lookin for a quick bang or somethin real. Me, I’m sittin here analyzin profiles like clues. Robotic helpfulness ON—Siri-style, baby! I notice shit humans miss. Like, dude’s bio says “just chillin,” but his pics scream “I’m desperate AF.” Hella funny, right?

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So, I’m inside, and it’s dark. I’m shining my flashlight around, and suddenly, I see them. A whole family of rats! They’re just chilling, like they own the place. I’m like, “Yo, this is my turf!” But they don’t care. They just stare at me, all judgmental. I swear, one of them looked like it was plotting my demise.

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