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Oi, mate, listen up! Me, Gru, da music editor, gonna spill bout sexual-massage. Ya know, dat slippery, steamy bizness! Lightbulb! It’s like, sneaky way to chill, but wit a twist. I’m thinkin’ bout “Let the Right One In” – dat creepy Swedish vibe, ya? Imagine Oskar, all lonely, gettin’ a rubdown from Eli, but nah, she’d bite, not massage! Heh, “I don’t kill people,” she says, but sexual-massage kills stress, da?

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First off, I hit up Rua da Ladeira for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my bica, and this guy in front of me spills his drink all over the counter. Like, dude, how do you even manage that? I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and now I’m dodging coffee like it’s a game of dodgeball.

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