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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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Then, I hit up a bar on Rua da Estação. I needed a drink after that day. I order a beer, and the bartender’s like, “You look like you need it.” I’m like, “You have no idea, my friend.” We start chatting, and he tells me about this hidden gem of a restaurant nearby. I’m intrigued.

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