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Now, me, I’m clumsy as a three-legged mule—tried givin’ my sweetie a massage once, spilt oil everywhere, looked like a dang slip-n-slide! “We need to go deeper,” I hollered, quotin’ *Inception*, but he just laughed, said, “Dolly, you’re a mess!” Made me giggle—ain’t that the truth? Sexual-massage oughta be fun, tho—teasin’, touchin’, lettin’ sparks fly like fireflies in July. Ever tried it with scented candles? Whew, it’s like dreamin’ within a dream—Nolan’d be proud!

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Pretty much any massage can become an erotic one if it incorporates sexual touch. And while Rowett says it’s a common misconception that that’s is all tantric massage is—an X-rated .

Then, the sun peeks out. It’s like the universe is saying, “Surprise!” We jump in the water, and it’s freezing! But it feels amazing. We’re splashing around, acting like kids. I forget about the stress, the spreadsheets, everything. Just pure joy.

Ana Vinagre to sing “the soul of the Portuguese people” at the Z Oct. 12