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Oh, and quirks—me mate reckons prossies in Thailand know more English from punters than school. Hilarious, bruv! I’m picturin’ ‘em like, “Yes, mate, cheers, next!” Proper British export, that. Exaggeratin’ for laughs, maybe, but it’s a mad world, fam. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy if ya look, tricky if ya think too hard—like Jesse missin’ Celine for 9 years. “Baby, you are gonna miss that plane,” she says. Me? I’d miss it for a chat, not a shag!

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First off, I hit up Rua do Souto for breakfast. You know, the usual—pastel de nata and a bica. I mean, who can resist that? But then, I spilled coffee all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I was like, “Great, now I look like a walking café.”

Braga: The artsy Portuguese city giving Lisbon a run for its money