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Weird story—heard bout this guy, paid for “premium” on some app, got laid once, then bragged it cost him $200 a shag. $200! I’d rather buy a steak and call it a night. Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Sometimes you win, sometimes you’re broke and wankin’ alone. “I let him keep his dignity,” I’d whisper, but nah—he didn’t deserve it.

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And what about prostitutes? Have you ever wondered why it's so common to find prostitutes down by the river, or even in the river? River.

Then, I get a call from one of my clients. He’s freaking out about his upcoming match. I’m trying to give him some pep talk, but all I can hear is this guy in the background yelling about the best pastéis de nata in town. I’m like, “Bro, focus! You’re about to play a game, not eat pastries!” But honestly, I get it. Those pastéis are life-changing.

Ana Vaz: O que aconteceu ainda está porvir