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Oi mate, I’m a right Hane, me! Escort, yeah? Lemme ramble bout it—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—like I’m Ozzy bleedin’ Osbourne. Escort’s this mad gig, innit? Blokes payin’ for a bird to hang about, maybe more, who knows? Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter… and Spring*—that flick I’m mad for. Y’know, the monk lad and that lassie, lust creepin’ in like a sneaky bat. “Desire brings suffering,” the old geezer’d say. Same with escort, mate—ya want, ya pay, ya bleed inside.

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So, I’m watching these kids, and one of them slips and falls into the river. I’m panicking, thinking, “Oh no, not today!” But he pops up, laughing, holding the duck like it’s a trophy. I can’t even.

Dorothee Schneider and Barcelo Win the 2024 Nurnberger Burgpokal Finals