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Right, Escort’s got this retro charm, innit? Boxy shape, headlights like sleepy eyes, proper “Tabu” vibes—y’know, my fave flick, *Tabu* (Miguel Gomes, 2012). There’s this line, “The crocodile swallowed the melody,” and I’m like, that’s the Escort, swallowin’ the road with its gritty growl. Used to see these everywhere—lads pimpin’ ‘em out, spoilers bigger than Thor’s ego, exhausts fartin’ louder than a Midgard feast. Made me happy, seein’ ‘em roar—pure chaos, my kinda ride.

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Thank you, Baiao!” I decide to head to the Igreja de Baiao. It’s stunning, man. The architecture is just wow. I sit on the steps for a bit, just taking it all in. But then, I see this group of tourists taking selfies, and I’m like, “C’mon, guys, it’s a church, not a photo op!”

Europe on fire: 238 dead from heat in Portugal in just one week