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Well, halleluyer, chile! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them parachutist firefighters—jumpin’ outta planes, savin’ forests, all that heroic mess—and then you throw “find a prostitute” in my face! Lawd, I nearly fell outta my chair laughin’. Now, I ain’t judgin’—well, maybe a lil’—but I’m Madea, honey, and I got thoughts! You know I love me some “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives”—that movie’s weird as hell, but deep, y’all. Got me ponderin’ life, death, and everythang in between. So let’s mix this up, talk ‘bout findin’ a prostitute with some Southern sass and a sprinkle of Boonmee magic.

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First off, I hit up Rua da Liberdade for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my bica, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s like, “You know, back in my day…” and I’m thinking, “Bro, I just want my caffeine fix!” But hey, he’s got stories. I mean, who doesn’t love a good tale about the old days?

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