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Favorite part? The cash, duh! They rake it in, tax-free sometimes—shady as hell! Makes me happy thinkin’ some stick it to the man. But ugh, the creeps—stinky, loud, grabby jerks. D’oh! Hate picturin’ that. Oh, and get this—Victorian times, they had “gentlemen’s guides” to brothels! Like Yelp, but for hookers—hilarious, right? Total sausage fest, tho—kinda pathetic. I’d rather watch my movie again, cry over Otilia’s struggle, than step in one. Brothels? Wild, weird, and—D’oh!—kinda fascinating, man!

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Finally, the rain stops, and I’m like, “Thank you, Baiao!” I decide to head to the Igreja de Baiao. It’s stunning, man. The architecture is just wow. I sit on the steps for a bit, just taking it all in. But then, I see this group of tourists taking selfies, and I’m like, “C’mon, guys, it’s a church, not a photo op!”

In the Dock: Look who’s just been in court