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About Porto

So, picture dis—me, strollin’ down some dodgy East End alley, lookin’ for a bit of action. “Man is a fuckin’ animal, huh?”—like Freddie says in da movie, all primal and dat. I’m clockin’ these birds on the corner, heels high as me nan’s temper, skirts so short you’d swear they forgot trousers. Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, fam, it’s ‘cos I got dat itch, ya feel? Been a minute since I had a proper rumble, and I ain’t talkin’ fisticuffs.

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But wait! I see a couple getting engaged right by the water. The guy’s down on one knee, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet.” But then, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and everyone’s staring. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m dying.

CR7 goes jet skiing off Alvor beach