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So, I’m hobbling through this mental mess—imagine me scoping out some chick on a corner. She’s all “50 bucks, sweetie,” and I’m like, “You’re no Heath Ledger, lady.” Prostitution’s old as dirt—fun fact: back in Rome, they had brothels with menus. Freaking *menus*! Pick your poison, like a screwed-up Olive Garden. Makes me wanna puke, but also—kinda impressed. Efficiency, right? Capitalism’s wet dream.

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But then, she’s like, “I don’t know, it’s too much.” I’m like, “Too much? Honey, you look like a queen!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to convince her, and it’s like talking to a brick wall. I’m about to lose it.

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