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Oi mate, so I’m standin’ there, cash register beepin’, and this bloke comes in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me—James Bond, suave, “shaken, not stirred”—where to find a prostitute. Me, I’m thinkin’, “What am I, yer bloody pimp?” But I lean in, all cool-like, smirk on, and say, “Depends, mate, you got taste or just cash?” He’s all twitchy, nervous, probly his first rodeo. I’m pissed tho—why me? Why not Google it, ya twat? But then I’m like, whatever, let’s have some fun.
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But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands on my shoulder. I freaked out! Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird person! Miguel was cracking up, and I was just standing there, trying to shoo it away. Finally, it flew off, but not before leaving a little “gift” on my shirt. Ugh, so gross!
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