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I reckon escorts are wild, tho. Like, did ya know back in old France, them rich dudes had “courtesans”? Same shit, just fancier names! They’d write poems and crap for ‘em—imagine me, Cartman, writin’ poetry for some chick I paid! “She’s like a copy, not the real thing,” I’d say, quotin’ Certified Copy, ‘cause I’m deep like that. Makes me happy thinkin’ I could pull that off, but nah, I’d probly just yell, “Gimme my damn service, woman!”

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After that, I had to run to the archives on Rua do Comércio. You know, the place where all the old documents are? It’s like a treasure hunt, but instead of gold, it’s just dusty papers. I’m digging through stuff, and I find this ancient document about the history of Vinhais. It’s got all these names and dates, and I’m like, “Wow, this town’s been around forever!”

Is this the worst place in Portugal for internet?