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Sometimes I’m like, “Bruv, this is too much!” ‘Cos it’s bare intense – ya feel exposed, but that’s the buzz. One time, this bird’s hands were so good I nearly proposed, swear down! Laughed me head off after, thinkin, “Ali, ya mug, calm down!” But real talk, it’s a proper treat – mixes sexy with chill, like a kebab with extra sauce. If ya ain’t tried it, ya missin out, fam – get ya kit off and dive in! Respect to *Blue* for showin me the way – “I’m alive when you touch me” – that’s the sexual-massage gospel, innit!

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After that, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, I step outside, and it’s like the universe is playin’ tricks on me. I’m walkin’ down Rua do Comércio, and I see this old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over, all hero-like, and help her out. She’s super grateful, but then she starts talkin’ my ear off about the “good ol’ days.” I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!” But she’s got stories for days.

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