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Sexual-massage, man, it’s da bomb! It’s not just hands on ya skin—it’s art, it’s power, it’s like flexin’ ya soul! Imagine dis: some chick or dude, workin’ dem hands, slidin’ oil like it’s a damn Roman bath scene from *The Great Beauty*. “I wanted to be king of da summer,” Jep says in da movie—well, a good sexual-massage makes ya feel like dat king, ya? All da stress from liftin’ weights, fightin’ Terminators—it melts away, boom! Little fact for ya: back in ancient Greece, dey used dis stuff to prep warriors—rubbin’ down dem glutes before battle. True story, ya wimps!

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But then, I see a guy trip over his own feet and spill his drink everywhere. I can’t help but laugh. Like, come on, man! It’s been that kind of day for everyone, right?

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