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So, picture this—dim lights, weird moans, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. Reminds me of that movie line: “Do you want to look?” Hell yeah, I looked—total trainwreck! Some folks swear it’s “therapeutic,” loosens ya up. Don’t pee on my leg—that’s just code for horny! I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s your dime.

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After that, I decide to stroll along the Douro River. The view is insane! The Ribeira on the other side, all colorful and lively. I’m feeling good, you know? But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing, though, because it’s just typical Vila-Nova-de-Gaia weather. One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s a monsoon.

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