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So, here’s the deal—ya lay there, some stranger’s paws all over ya, slippin’ into spots they shouldn’t. Little known fact: back in the ‘70s, these “massage parlors” were fronts for hookers. Cops busted ‘em left and right—true story. Now it’s all “legit,” they say, but I ain’t buyin’ it. Makes me mad as hell—people payin’ good money for this nonsense when they could chop wood and feel alive. I tried it once, alright? Once! Lady had hands like a damn octopus, slidin’ everywhere, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how dignity dies.” Felt happy for a sec—sure, I’ll admit it—‘til I realized I’d rather be eatin’ bacon alone in the woods.

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After the rain stopped, I decided to head to Parque da Devesa. It’s this beautiful park, perfect for a walk. I needed to clear my head. I’m wandering around, and I see this pond. I’m like, “Finally, some peace!” But then, I spot this group of kids throwing bread at the ducks. I mean, come on! Ducks gotta eat too, but not like that! I’m about to give them a lecture on proper feeding practices when one of the kids slips and falls right into the pond. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sorry, not sorry!

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