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About Funchal

What pisses me off? The liars. “Oh, I’m 6’2, babe”—fuck off, you’re a hobbit! Had a guy once swear he’d “rock my world”—showed up smellin’ like stale ale. I’d rather shag a wight. But—ooh—when it works? That rush? Hotter than dragonfire. Met this one bloke, all rough edges, swiped right ‘cos he quoted *Holy Motors*—“Beauty? It’s in the gesture!”—and damn, he wasn’t lyin’. Fucked like he meant it, no bullshit. Made me happy for once, rare as a virgin in King’s Landing.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Miguel shows up. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened at the café on Rua da Escola.” Apparently, some guy tried to pay for his coffee with a rubber chicken. A rubber chicken! I’m dying laughing. Like, who does that? Vila-Nova-da-Telha is full of surprises, I tell ya.

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