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Oh, and the profiles—crack me up! “Lookin for my soulmate, but also a threesome.” Pick a lane, damnit! Makes me think—sex-dating’s like time travel, unpredictable as hell. One minute you’re chattin, next you’re dodgin some weirdo askin for feet pics. Great Scott, what’s next? Gotta admit, tho—when it clicks, it’s a rush. Beats sittin alone, starin at planets crashin, ya know?

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Next, I have a session with a teenager, Sofia. She’s all about social media drama. I mean, I can’t even keep up with TikTok trends. She’s ranting about her friends, and I’m just nodding, trying to remember what “FOMO” means. I’m like, “Girl, just block them!” But she’s all, “No, that’s too harsh.” I’m thinking, “Welcome to 2023, where blocking is the new black.”

New cases of bird flu in Portugal