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So, sexual-massage—here’s the deal. It’s hands, oil, skin, and tension, real slow, buildin’ up like a harvest storm. Little known fact, man—back in ancient Rome, them horny bastards used olive oil for this shit, slippin’ and slidin’ like it’s a goddamn orgy. True story! Got me thinkin’, “Motherfucker, they knew how to live!” Makes me happy as hell—simple shit, no fancy tools, just hands and heat. But then I get pissed, ‘cause today? Half these parlors are fronts for somethin’ else—fuckin’ scams, man, ruins the art!

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So, I muster up some courage and sit down. We start talking, and I’m trying to play it cool, but inside I’m a mess. I’m cracking jokes, trying to make her laugh. She’s giggling, and I’m thinking, “Maybe today’s not so bad after all.” But then, I spill my coffee all over the table. Classic me! I’m mortified.

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