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But yo, it ain’t all dark ‘n’ gritty. Some escorts out here livin’ plush—got clients droppin’ stacks just to talk ‘bout they feelings. I’m like, damn, that’s a therapist with benefits, haha! One time, I heard ‘bout this dude payin’ $10K for a chick to dress like a ninja ‘n’ sneak into his penthouse—roleplay on some next-level *Oldboy* shit. “Fifteen years… fifteen years!”—he prolly felt locked up in his own head, needed that escape. Freaky, but I ain’t judgin’.

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So, I’m trying to keep up with orders, and then this lady walks in. She’s got a dog. A tiny, yappy thing. And it’s barking like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m trying to make a cappuccino, and this dog is just losing it. I’m like, “Can someone please take this dog outside?” But no, she’s all, “He’s just excited!” Excited? More like possessed!

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