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Argh! I'm ready! Sex escort, huh? Wowie zowie, mateys! So, like, I’m babysittin’ these lil’ jellyfish, right? And I’m thinkin’—holy krabby patties!—what’s the deal with sex escorts? I mean, they’re out there, livin’ life like it’s Bikini Bottom on a Saturday night! Just floatin’ around, gettin’ paid to be all fancy and flirty. Kinda wild, ya know? Reminds me of *Before Sunset*—that flick I’m OBSESSED with. “You can never replace anyone,” Jesse says, right? And I’m like, YEAH, escorts got that vibe—unique, one-of-a-kind, barnacle-free experiences!

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After that, I need a break. I grab a pastel de nata from a little bakery on Rua da Praça. Best decision ever. I’m munching on it, and life feels good again. But then, I see a group of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup. One of them kicks it too hard, and it comes flying at me. I duck just in time. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!”

Man arrested with cocaine in car in Tavira