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Sometimes I’d think—man, she coulda been somethin’. Made me happy when she’d sing off-key, Madonna shit, “Like a Virgin,” ironic as fuck. But then—boom—reality hits, she’s back suckin’ dick in alleys. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but who cares? Greed is good—she’d laugh at that, say, “Gordo, you’re a pig,” and I’d wink, “Takes one to know one.”

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Finally, I get my stuff and head to the park by the river. It’s called Parque da Cidade, and it’s usually my happy place. But today? It’s full of kids screaming and running around. I’m like, “Can’t a guy just chill?” I find a bench, plop down, and try to breathe. But then, this kid runs by and spills his ice cream all over my shoes! Ugh! I’m like, “Really, kid?!”

Colt lights up its ambitions in Portugal