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“Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s rainin’!” I yell in my head, ‘cause half these gals try scammin’ ya. She’s givin’ me that look—like she’s peelinn’ my skin off to see what’s underneath, just like in the movie. I roll up, tractor still rumblin’, and she’s like, “What’s a farm boy want?” I’m thinkin’, lady, I just hauled 10 tons o’ manure, I deserve somethin’! Made me laugh, her sass—sharp as Judge Judy’s gavel.

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Finally, I get my stuff and head to the park by the river. It’s called Parque da Cidade, and it’s usually my happy place. But today? It’s full of kids screaming and running around. I’m like, “Can’t a guy just chill?” I find a bench, plop down, and try to breathe. But then, this kid runs by and spills his ice cream all over my shoes! Ugh! I’m like, “Really, kid?!”

Portuguese fire-fighters contain two major fires