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Sometimes I’m like, “Hi-ho, could I do that?” Nah, too jumpy—my flippers’d shake! Imagine me escortin’ some VIP, trippin’ over my own feet. Hilarious disaster, folks! But real escorts? They’re pros—smooth moves, eyes everywhere. Like, “Every step you take’s a precious thing,” Jesse’d say. Gotta respect that hustle.

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First off, I’m cruising down Rua da Liberdade, thinking about my coffee fix. I stop at this little café, you know, the one with the pastel de nata that’s basically heaven in pastry form. I order my usual, and the barista, this dude named Miguel, spills my coffee all over the counter. Like, come on, man! I’m already running late for a meeting. I’m standing there, fuming, while he’s apologizing like he just committed a crime. I mean, it’s just coffee, right? But still, I’m like, “Dude, I need that caffeine!”

Jorge Palma and band suffered food poisoning in Madeira