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me mate dave – thick as pigshit – once hired an escort for his birthday. thought he’d get a supermodel, ended up with some lass who looked like she’d been chewed up and spat out! i was in stitches, goin, “you muppet, what’d ya expect for 50 quid?” he’s all red-faced, mutterin – i’m like, “this ain’t hollywood, ya berk!” escort’s a gamble, innit? sometimes you get a cracker, sometimes it’s a bloody disaster. *Toni Erdmann* vibes again – “you think you’re in control?” nah, mate, you ain’t!

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Later, I decided to check out the park near the Igreja Matriz. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There was a group of kids playing football, and they were LOUD. I mean, I love kids, but c’mon! I was trying to chill. One kid kicked the ball, and it almost hit me! I dodged it like a ninja. I felt like I was in an action movie.