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About Lisbon

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, actuary by day, hater of everything by life. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. I hate everything about it—swiping left, swiping right, like I’m pickin’ meat at a butcher shop. Numbers don’t lie tho—stats say 40% of folks meet online now. Forty percent! That’s a lotta desperate souls. Makes me wanna puke, but it’s efficient, I guess. Like choppin’ wood with a dull axe—gets the job done, barely.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, like, ASAP. But guess what? The café was closed! I mean, who closes at 8 AM? Rude, right? So, I ended up at this random pastelaria on Rua da Alegria. The name was ironic, trust me. The coffee tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.