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But—fuck me—her pimp rolls in, big bastard, fists like hams. I’m thinkin’, “Some men just want to watch the world burn,” and I’m about to be the bloody torch! I leg it, screamin’, “I’m not wearin’ hockey pads!”—dodgin’ his swings. Made me mad as a hatter—why’s it gotta be so damn tricky just to get laid?

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Later, I decided to check out the park near the Igreja Matriz. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There was a group of kids playing football, and they were LOUD. I mean, I love kids, but c’mon! I was trying to chill. One kid kicked the ball, and it almost hit me! I dodged it like a ninja. I felt like I was in an action movie.