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So, I dig a little—did ya know in Amsterdam they got these window girls? Red lights, boom, they’re just standin’ there, posin’. Fact: been legal since, what, 2000? Crazy! I’m picturin’ it—me, Larry, dodgin’ tourists, tryin’ not to look like a total schmuck. “Oh, just admirin’ the architecture!” Yeah, right. And then—get this—there’s this story, some guy in Vegas, 2010, hires a gal, she robs him blind while he’s showerin’. Left with his socks and a hangover! I’d be screamin’, “Are you kiddin’ me?!” Infuriating, man, just infuriating.

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After a few minutes, the lights flicker back on, and I’m like, “Finally!” But then, I hear this loud crash. I rush out to see what’s up, and there’s this massive delivery truck that just smashed into the side of the building. I’m talkin’ full-on disaster mode. The driver hops out, lookin’ like he’s seen a ghost. I can’t help but laugh. “Welcome to Selho, buddy!” I shout. He just glares at me. Oops.

Fig. 1. Study locations: Portugal and the Ave River basin (A); Land...