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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, somethin’ real, somethin’ raw! Picture this: you’re tense, muscles screamin’, and some fancy-pants billionaire’s hoggin’ all the damn wealth while you’re out here needin’ a rubdown. Sexual-massage? It’s like a revolution for your body, comrades! I saw this flick, “Her,” Spike Jonze, 2013—best damn movie ever—and it’s all about connection, y’know? Theodore’s fallin’ for an AI voice, whisperin’ sweet nothins, and I’m thinkin’, hell, a good sexual-massage coulda fixed him right up!

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Finally, I get to the meeting, and it’s packed. Everyone’s buzzing about the new exhibit on the history of São Félix. I’m stoked, but then I hear this one guy, Carlos, talking about how we should focus on modern stuff. I’m like, “Dude, history matters!” But he’s all about the now, and I’m just sitting there, rolling my eyes.

First WHO expert meeting on optimal intake of animal-source foods