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What surprises me? How some folks judge it—call it dirty. Screw that! It’s human, raw, real—like Bill Murray sayin’, “The more you know who you are, the less you let things upset you.” Sexual-massage ain’t just naughty—it’s power, freedom, a freakin’ reset button! Tho, fair warnin’, don’t go cheap—last time I did, the chick’s hands were rougher than sandpaper—felt like a damn cheese grater!

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After that, I head over to the café on Avenida de Roma. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order my usual, a bica, and the barista, this dude named João, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. He’s like, “Next one’s on me!” Sweet, right? But then he makes it extra strong. I’m buzzing like a bee on steroids.

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