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What pisses me off? Prudes judgin’ it! “Oh, it’s immoral!” Shut it, Karen—your neck’s stiffer than Thor’s hammer. Makes me happy tho—watching stiff sods squirm, then melt. Surprised me how some masseuses train years for this! Like, actual schools—thought it was just horny improv.

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First off, I had a session with this young footballer, Miguel. Kid’s got talent, but his head? All over the place. We met at the park near the Jardim da Luz. Beautiful spot, by the way. I’m trying to get him to focus, and he’s just staring at the pigeons like they’re the next Ronaldo or something. I’m like, “Dude, focus!” But nah, he’s too busy plotting his next move against the birds. Classic.

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