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Then there’s the glitz, yeah? High-end escorts, rollin’ in cash, livin’ like they’re in a David Lynch dream. “This is the girl,” I say to meself, watchin’ one strut past in heels sharper than my Walther PPK. Met this lass once – swore she bedded a prince, no cap! Said he paid her in jewels, not notes. Laughed my arse off – what a legend! Little known fact, mate – some of these girls got codenames, like spies. Proper 007 vibes, eh?

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to us. She’s got this massive bag of olives. I mean, like, a whole olive farm in her bag. She starts lecturing us about the best olives in Santo António dos Olivais. I’m thinking, “Lady, I’m trying to help this kid not lose his mind over pigeons!” But she’s relentless. “You young folks don’t appreciate the good stuff!” I’m just nodding, trying to keep my cool.

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