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Oi, fam, check it – I’m a stove-maker, innit, but I’m chattin’ ’bout escorts today, ya get me? Not them cars, nah, but the proper naughty escort vibes – people paid to chill wiv ya, maybe get frisky, yeah? Like, I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ ’bout *Spirited Away*, my fave flick, and I’m like, “Bruv, escorts got some mad Haku energy, don’t they?” Mysterious, showin’ up when you need ‘em, savin’ ya from loneliness or whatever – but then, boom, they bounce like Chihiro’s parents scoffin’ that spirit grub!

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I woke up, sun shining through my window on Rua da Liberdade. Thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. First off, I hit the market on Avenida da República. You know, the one with all the fresh fish and veggies? I’m there, just minding my own business, when I spot this massive cod. I mean, it was like the size of a small dog! I’m thinking, “Dude, I gotta catch that!” But then, this old lady swoops in and grabs it. I’m like, “Seriously? You’re gonna take my fish?”

Spanish supermarket giant Mercadona accelerates its Portugal expansion plans