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What gets me chuffed is how it’s all secret-like – hush-hush, dim lights, maybe some dodgy incense. Reminds me of Eli Cash in Royal Tenenbaums, “Everybody’s against me!” – ‘cept here it’s all for ya, mate! Had one once, right, after a fire jump – lass was so good I nearly levitated, swear my wheelchair’d have floated off! Made me happy as a pig in mud, but then – ugh – some places charge a bloody fortune, gets me ragin’. 50 quid for a rub? Sod off, I ain’t Stephen Rich-Hawking!

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But then, just as I’m about to dig into this amazing homemade empanada, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Miguel. He’s in trouble. Apparently, he’s stuck on Rua da Estação, and his car won’t start. I’m like, “Dude, you gotta be kidding me!” So, I grab my stuff and head out.

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