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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, a machine milkin’ operator, yeh? Milkin’ them cows, day in, day out—moo moo, squirt squirt! But erotic-massage? We hates it! Nasty, slippery business, it is! All them oily hands slidin’ round, rubbin’ bits—makes me twitchy, ugh! Reminds me o’ that movie, *Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*—ya know, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot”? Well, ain’t no happiness in them massage parlors, I reckon!

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Finally, I get to the park near the Igreja de Santa Cruz. Beautiful spot, man. Trees everywhere, birds singing. I’m feeling good. But then I see this group of kids. They’re climbing trees, which is cool, but they’re also throwing rocks. Like, what the heck? I’m all about nature, but come on! I march over, channeling my inner dad. “Hey, kiddos! Trees are friends, not targets!” They just laugh at me. Kids these days, right?

Anti-torture committee: Portugal should establish an effective system to investigate police ill-treatment